got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
