Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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