i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
