dude i'm inner monologue high
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
