I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
