So drunk its hurt
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
