just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
