so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
