hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
