i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
