god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
