Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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