have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
