areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
