mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
