We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
