did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
