i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
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I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
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You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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