I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
