R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
birth control should be required to get into college
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
