I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.