Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
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One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.