So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi