What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
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Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
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I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.