I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.