mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.