So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
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I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
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Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.