guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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