if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
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i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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