You smell like stripper and shame
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
