You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
