btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
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What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She's the barista slut.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"