My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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