Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
