Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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