I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
