He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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