**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
