He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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