I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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