New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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