Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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