if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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