I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
