Where is the hickey?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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