my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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