Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
