So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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