hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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