Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
