I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
