I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
