the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
