Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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