i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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