I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
