it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest