actually, I'm a sock model
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale