Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
