Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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