so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
