I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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