I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize