my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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