I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
