I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
