She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
