my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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