I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
