are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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