Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
my poor anus
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
