Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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