Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
