Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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